How We Move From Lust to Adultery

by Jeff Fisher on July 18, 2012

Our Saturday men’s group Is going through the workbook False Love right now.  False Love is written by Brad Hambrick, Pastor of Counseling at The Summit Church in Durham, NC. 

On p.11 of the manual he offers a great list showing the progression from Lust to Adultery.  His point is we don’t suddenly commit adultery.  There are small, intermediate steps that point the way.

  1. Objectifying a person
  2. Public visual lust
  3. Private narrative lust – sexual and / or romantic fantasy in my mind
  4. Soft porn – TV, catalogs, etc.
  5. Full porn – nudity
  6. Interactions with a real, anonymous person
  7. Emotional relationship with a known person without touch
  8. Emotional affair with touch, without sex
  9. One time sexual affair
  10. Affair in connected relationship
  11. Affair with pseudo-spouse / leaving – seeking to dissolve the marriage



In my own recovery, I need to be aware of these areas.  I have already crossed the boundaries on some of them.  I need to include them in my purity strategy.  I need a good plan for working on lust, objectification, soft porn etc.

There are others I have not committed in my body, but in my mind.  They move into the fantasy world.  I shared with our purity group my specific struggles.  I also recognize in myself that I sometimes believe the lie that I was missing out by not experimenting more sexually in my adolescent and college days.

In my purity strategy, I need to make sure my mind dwells on healthy, godly dreams, instead of unhealthy, adulterous thoughts.

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