The worst thing you can do if you are working on your sexual purity is be anonymous.
Anonymity = guaranteed relapse
Anonymity. When nobody knows who you are, your history, your baggage. You are not accountable. Nobody is checking your schedule. You’re by yourself, alone left to do whatever you want.
EXAMPLES OF ANONYMITY
I have buddies in my support group that looked forward to going on business trips. They could go out to a bar, be whoever they wanted to be and hook up.
Or guys that used to frequent the chatrooms and pretend they were a different person so they could hook up an have anonymous sex.
Or a friend that would go to a Walmart in another town where nobody knew him and buy sensual articles of clothing to bring home and act out with.
So dangerous! Anonymity is a license to act out. It is a license to relapse.
HOW TO WORK ON IT
1. Choose to be truthful – you have to make a decision in your heart to value the truth. You’re intent has to be truth. Don’t mess around, share the truth of your life with someone, even a counselor. You’re only as truthful as you want to be.
2. Choose to be accountable – You’ve got to find someone you can share openly with about your trips, or your times alone. You need someone to help you with a strategy and ask you the hard questions. You’re only as accountable as you want to be.
3. Submit to restrictions and boundaries – You have to have a good strategy. You’ve got to draw up some boundaries before hand. Talk with your accountability partner about it. Talk to your wife about it.
On a trip – have them disconnect the porn channels, don’t go out after 10pm, don’t go our alone, hang out in the lobby until bedtime.
For alone time – no rated “R” movies, no computer usage after a certain time, phone-a-friend, hang out with others, sleep in another room, don’t go out by yourself.
Chatrooms - A haven for anonymity. You probably have to stay away from these. Even Facebook can lead to problems of anonymity. Restrict or cut off the chatrooms.
4. Sacrifice some freedoms – There are some things you just have to give up in order to get better. Relationships. Movies. Television channels. Internet usage. Chatrooms. Going to certain stores. Magazine subscriptions. Trips away from home.
Do whatever you can to avoid anonymity. You need people in your life who know what you struggle with and will be there to support you. You need to be in the right places and stay focused on your quest for purity.
GET HELP FOR YOUR PURITY JOURNEY
Jeff Fisher helps guys with their purity journeys through:
- Online / Phone Support Groups
- Accountability Coaching
- Personal Coaching
- Speaking at Conferences
Confidential voice mail line: (321) 5-PURITY