5 Things You NEED From Others During Crisis

by Jeff Fisher on March 3, 2015

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THINGS YOU NEED RIGHT NOW

1.   Presence – The biggest thing a person can be for a person in crisis is present.  You don’t really need words.  People don’t have to say the “right” thing.  They just need to be there.  You need to know that you are supported and that people care. 

 

2.  Prayers – Prayers are so important.  We want to know that God is in the middle of our crisis.  We need wisdom from God and from the people he sends our way.  We need to feel the strength that comes from God.   

 

3.  Encouraging Words – We need to know that it’s going to be alright and that we can make it through the crisis.  The words of others don’t have to be perfect.  It really doesn’t matter what people say, as long as they communicate that they care and that they are supportive.

 

4.  Comfort – Crisis brings a lot of hurt.  We have sustained damage and need the support of others through comforting words.  Comforting words are breaths of fresh air when our crisis is strangling us. 

 

5.  Hope – We need reassurance that there is a light at the end of the tunnel.  We don’t need to know the Big Picture, only that there is a Big Picture. 

 

BLOGS ABOUT CRISIS
1.0 – The Crisis Hotlist
2.0 – How Do You Define Crisis?
3.0 – How Sexual Addiction is Like a Car Crash
4.0 – Five Things You Need From Others During Crisis
5.0 – Five ThiNgs You DON’T Need From Others During Crisis
6.0 – Where’s God During Crisis?

PODCASTS ABOUT CRISIS
Porn to Purity Podcast 014 – Jeff and Tom Daniels Talk About Crisis, Part 1
Porn to Purity Podcast 015 – Jeff and Tom Daniels Talk About Crisis, Part 2

 

 

 

How Sexual Addiction is Like a Car Crash

by Jeff Fisher on March 2, 2015

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When I think about people in sexual addiction recovery, it helps to think of a car crash.  If you’ve ever been in a car crash or know someone who’s been in a car crash, you know how devastating it is.  Life goes from normal to horrific in an instant.

If you’re a spouse, you’ve been caught up in this car crash as well.  You were looking at other things, reading, dealing with kids, talking on your phone and all of the sudden – BAM!  You were swept up in the collision.  You too became a victim.

If you’re a family member, you were sitting watching the evening news one moment and the next moment you’re on your way to the hospital hoping that your family member is going to be OK.

Your world stops when the reality of a sexual addiction collides with your life or your marriage.

Why You Need to Think “Car Crash”

The Person with the Addition – During the Crisis Stage, you might not know how serious this moment in your life is.  Your life has come to a stop so you can get well.  But you have to approach sexual addiction recovery with intensity and with a sense of seriousness.  The addict needs to know he’s been in a car crash.

The Victim in the Car – Even though the crash happened because of the other person, you were still in the car.  You are connected enough to the person with the addiction to be in the car with them.  It affects you.  You need to realize that there will be a lot of damage you have to deal with.

Friends of the Addict – We have strange, adverse reactions to someone when they share their sexual struggles.  Our gut reaction is not to embrace our friend, but to push him away.  If you can keep seeing your friend as a car crash victim, it will help you be able to respond the right way.

Q:  What do you think of the car crash analogy?

porntopurity@gmail.com
@porntopurity

BLOGS ABOUT CRISIS
1.0 – The Crisis Hotlist
2.0 – How Do You Define Crisis?
3.0 – How Sexual Addiction is Like a Car Crash
4.0 – Five Things You Need From Others During Crisis
5.0 – Five ThiNgs You DON’T Need From Others During Crisis
6.0 – Where’s God During Crisis?

PODCASTS ABOUT CRISIS
Porn to Purity Podcast 014 – Jeff and Tom Daniels Talk About Crisis, Part 1
Porn to Purity Podcast 015 – Jeff and Tom Daniels Talk About Crisis, Part 2

How Do You Define Crisis?

by Jeff Fisher on March 1, 2015

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This is Crisis Week on Porn to Purity.com  Jeff shares exerpts from an upcoming e-book
“How to Get Through the Crisis Stage of Sexual Addiction.” 

Let’s get our mind around some simple ways to define “crisis”.  Defining crisis helps us have an understanding of why we feel the way we do, why we are not ourselves, and what this stage looks like.

Crisis = Shock
When you’re in a crisis it’s a state of shock.  A crisis is a numbing experience.  Something catastrophic has just happened, and you can’t get hold of it.  Your car has crashed.  A bomb has dropped, and you are devastated.  You are paralyzed.  You are numb.  The gap between what you thought was reality and the truth is so wide you can’t adjust to it.  You are off of equilibrium.  You are so off balance that you can’t find sure footing.

Crisis = I Can’t Think Straight
When you are in a crisis, all you see is the problem and the haze around.  You lose your ability to think and process reality.  You lose your ability to lead and have vision for yourself and your family.

Crisis = Survival Mode
When your in crisis, you’re trying to make it from moment to moment.  Reality has so dazed you that you can’t focus much beyond the moment.  You have lost your ability to focus on the future.  All you know is the moment.

 @porntopurity (Twitter)
jeff@porntopurity.com

BLOGS ABOUT CRISIS
1.0 – The Crisis Hotlist
2.0 – How Do You Define Crisis?
3.0 – How Sexual Addiction is Like a Car Crash
4.0 – Five Things You Need From Others During Crisis
5.0 – Five Things You DON’T Need From Others During Crisis
6.0 – Where’s God During Crisis?

PODCASTS ABOUT CRISIS
Porn to Purity Podcast 014 – Jeff and Tom Daniels Talk About Crisis, Part 1
Porn to Purity Podcast 015 – Jeff and Tom Daniels Talk About Crisis, Part 2

Crisis HOTLIST: 7 Things You Need Right Now

by Jeff Fisher on February 28, 2015

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This is Crisis Week on Porn to Purity.com  Jeff shares exerpts from an upcoming e-book
“How to Get Through the Crisis Stage of Sexual Addiction.” 

Some of you might be in the Crisis Stage of sexual addiction recovery right now.
Some of you might know someone who’s in Crisis.

Here is a HOT list of things that the person in Crisis has to focus on, right now!

Stop Getting Worse! – You need to stop your bad behaviors.  It makes no sense to give up and give in to your sexual behaviors.  It will do you no good if you have just one more look, binge, or sexual encounter.  You’re just going to make things worse.  Stop what you’re doing now!

Realize You Are Not Alone – The fact that you found this website and this blog is evidence that many have gone through it.  A majority of men struggle with sexual sin to varying degrees.  A majority of marriages are affected at some point by sexual sin.

Talk to Someone about it – This is critical.  You have no idea how important it is that you talk to someone!  You need to find a Pastor, counselor, best friend, or a Sexual Addiction group that you can talk to.  Many people have experienced what you’re experiencing, and you need to talk to them.

Don’t make any big decisions yet – You’re in crisis, and whether you know it or not, you’re not going to be able to think straight.  This is why you’ve got to talk to someone quickly.

Your Problem Developed Over Time – You may be wondering, “How did this happen?”, “I have no idea how I got to this place, or into this relationship.” When you really look at it, you do know.  We make a series of small choices with our behaviors.  And our minds have been lustful and fantasy-driven.  When we start acting out, it doesn’t take long to start crossing major lines.

Things Will Probably Get Worse Before They Get Better – Some of the truth about your sexual sins may has been shared, but maybe not all.  Some of the consequences are starting to hit, but not fully.  If you’re in crisis, your only starting to “feel” the effects.  As the shock wears off and the truth of crisis hits, it gets harder.  This is normal.  It almost always gets worse before it gets better.

No Problem is Too Big For God – Your slide into sexual behaviors was not a surprise to God.  He knows what’s going on.  He’s still in control of the universe, and can be in control of yours.  He loves you.  He is able to help you dig out of the crisis.  You are not promised a rosy resolution to this, but you are promised God’s presence.

All this week we’ll continue to talk about the Crisis Stage.  Here’s what you can look forward to:

BLOGS ABOUT CRISIS
1.0 – The Crisis Hotlist
2.0 – How Do You Define Crisis?
3.0 – How Sexual Addiction is Like a Car Crash
4.0 – Five Things You Need From Others During Crisis
5.0 – Five Things You DON’T Need From Others During Crisis
6.0 – Where’s God During Crisis?

PODCASTS ABOUT CRISIS
Porn to Purity Podcast 014 – Jeff and Tom Daniels Talk About Crisis, Part 1
Porn to Purity Podcast 015 – Jeff and Tom Daniels Talk About Crisis, Part 2

There are  five stages of sexual addiction beginning with the Crisis Stage.

We will spend this week talking about the Crisis Stage – what it looks like, what’s the value of the crisis stage, how do we do the right things during crisis and when does the Crisis stage end.

CRISIS WEEK BLOGS

Monday  – The Crisis HOTLIST –  7 things you need to know right now

Tuesday – How do you define crisis?   The Car Crash analogy.  The Bomb analogy.

Wednesday – Five things you NEED from others.   Five things you DON’T NEED from others.

Thursday – Where’s God during your crisis?

Friday – Porn to Purity Podcast – Jeff talks with friend and mentor Tom Daniels about the Crisis Stage.

1.  Crisis Stage – This is when the bomb goes off.  Your world falls apart. Shrapnel is spread everywhere.  During this phase, you are in shock and dismay.  You need a high level of attention and care to get through this tough phase.  You need the presence of others more than you need advice.  [Blog:  “My World Just Fell Apart!  Now What?]

 

2.  Pick Up the Pieces Stage – You start taking inventory of what’s left.  Many things and people are no longer in your life, and you grieve their loss.  This stage feels worse because you are feeling the consequences and the waves of pain.  It can get very intense.  You need to develop strong support systems here.  Presence is still huge, but you also need to start listening to others.  Others can help you survive the waves and not feel hopeless.

 

3.  Repair Stage – This stage is all about healing and working through the pain.  You take the consequences, wounds, and broken things and start putting them back together.  You spend a lot of time here nursing things.  It is a delicate stage where you have to listen to others and work on things you’ve never worked on before.

Stages 1-3 require heavy attention.  This is the time for counsel, ministry, friendships, and group to take place.  Finding friends who will walk through the mud with you and stay close to your side are “golden”!  These stages are about getting your life back to functioning.

 

 

4.  Strength and Growth Stage – This is a great stage.  You start to realize healthy in your sexuality and relationships.  You start to see new things growing that have never grown.  This stage requires a lot of encouragement and a little pushing to get you to new levels.  You have established a good structure, and good health and you need to nurture it.  An important principle here is that:  Healthy things grow.  You will start to experience this principle at this stage.

Now, some may say that Stage 4 is the last stage.  We never stop getting stronger and growing.  I agree with that.  We will continue to learn new things, face new challenges, and go through different phases of our recovery.

But I believe that there is such thing as a maintenance stage.

 

5.   Maintenance Stage – The idea of the Maintenance Stage is to be at a place in your recovery where you are strong enough to do the fundamentals.  You have good systems in place, and you are actively maintain your support system.

Q:  What stage of sexual addiction recovery are you in?

porntopurity@gmail.com
@porntopurity (Twitter)

What I Needed Most During My Unemployment

February 26, 2015

Unemployment is such a challenging time – a crisis, especially for a man.  We men define ourselves (too much) by our work.  Not working is like cutting off our manhood.    Even though I was prepared for being jobless, it was still a difficult struggle.  I shared yesterday “What 4 ½ Months of Unemployment Taught Me […]

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What 4 1/2 Months of Unemployment Taught Me (so far)

February 25, 2015

We always try to keep the Porn to Purity Blog focused on sexual addiction and recovery.  I’m always hesitant to include blogs that are different.  But I think that my time of being unemployed (which is really a time of crisis) is helpful to share.  Even if you aren’t struggling with your own unemployment, I […]

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I Can’t Believe You Responded to My Email!

February 25, 2015

We are surprised at the number of people who email us who can’t believe that we actually responded back to their email.  Most of the emails we get are from people who are in crisis and desperately looking for help.  When a person tells us “I can’t believe you wrote back!” they usually say one […]

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Six Encouragements For Those Struggling With Sexual Sin

February 24, 2015

Marsha and I receive a number of emails from individuals new to recovery.  Usually, they have just been found out and are struggling through the Crisis Stage of recovery.  Is that you too? Here are some essential encouragments and key recovery principles to help: 1.  You’re not alone – so many men share your same […]

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Finding a Safe Place to Tell Your Secrets

February 23, 2015

THE IMPORTANCE OF A SAFE ENVIRONMENT We need to tell our secrets to safe people.    People struggling with sexual sin will not share their struggles if the environment is unsafe.  Why would they share if they are going to be shamed, yelled at, labeled or condemned? What does a safe environment look like? 1.  […]

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I’m Losing My Job, But I’m Not Acting Out

February 22, 2015

  “I didn’t get the job.”  This is a phrase that many have been saying for the last couple of years.  And it’s a phrase that I said only a few days ago. I am losing my current job in a few weeks.  But God is helping me through this new crisis, and the things […]

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