I (Jeff) am a regular blogger on www.XXXchurch.com.  Sometimes they use content from our Porn to Purity site for their blogs.  Other times I have opportunities to write fresh articles directly for the site.  For the last several weeks, I and several other bloggers have been writing on group of key questions:

1.  Why am I Looking at Porn?
2.  Why can’t I stop my sexual behaviors?
3.  What’s wrong with me?  Why do I feel so bad?
4.  What can I do to stop my sexual behaviors?
5.  Now that I’ve started my purity journey, what’s next?

HOW DO I LIVE NOW?

Alternate Title:  SEXUAL PURITY 201

I’m assuming that you’ve already taken some first steps.  To me, this is an intermediate blog.  It’s primarily for those who are working on their sexual purity journey.  You are engaged in the basics.

How do I know I’m engaged in the basics?

  • You’re sharing your sins, secrets and struggles with others
  • You’re building a support team
  • You’re building a purity strategy
  • You’re in the battle fighting, struggling and wrestling (you’ve not given up)

It’s hard to take the next steps if you haven’t taken the first steps.
It’s hard to take the next steps if you’re still hiding.
It’s hard to take the next steps if you are throwing in the towel.

SEXUAL PURITY 201
Alright, let’s look at some deeper lessons.  I think these tips will help push your sexual purity journey into the deeper places God wants you to be.

1.  Always move toward truth. – We can’t lie and go with God.  We can’t hide, cover up, minimize, deflect, and color our actions and be righteous.  We need to accurately reflect our sins, struggles, and victories to others.   Moving toward the truth means we take the next steps.  We answer our wife’s questions.  We tell the truth to our accountability partner and to our group.  We allow light into the dark closets of our heart.

2.  Behind the wounds are lies, find them. –  My counselor challenged me with this.  I’ve been testing this theory for the last 4 years and found it to be true.  Anytime I have pain or wounds, I have believed something wrong about myself, God, or another person.

3.  Deep healing comes in patches. – Of course, healing is a process.  Of course, God can instantly heal our hurts.  But I’ve found that I have to work on a patch before the next patch opens up.  Some call it “layers of the onion”.  We will find new areas of our life and past that we need to surrender to God and seek Him for healing.  Every patch that gets touched by God is one more place you’ll be able to reflect God’s glory.

4.  Tune in to your emotions. – We guys generally run away from our emotions.  We push them away and think that someone’s a “sissy” if they talk about their emotions.  Not in 201 class.  The student of sexual purity is learning how to identify what’s in his heart.  He’s learning to talk about his feelings and express them in a healthy way.  If you’re building a good support system (friends, support group, counselors, ministers, spouse) those will be good places to develop your emotional muscles.

** Bonus Insight ** My counselor reminded me that porn and masturbation has a numbing effect on our emotions.  When porn is gone and we’re no longer medicating, we’re able to feel more.  The highs are higher and the lows are also lower.

5.  Healthy sexuality is the larger goal. – The main goal is not stopping our bad behaviors – the affair, masturbation, chatrooms, or Internet porn.  It’s bigger than that.  God wants us to move toward having a healthy sexuality.  There are many of us (myself included) that never had health to begin with.  Now we have a chance to experience the true fulfillment in our sexuality that God intended.  We are getting a taste of the Garden of Eden.  True intimacy with God and with our spouse.  Exercising our capacity to value, respect, and love others.  Serving others instead of consuming.

6.  Figure out who God really is. – I was surprised how messed up my understanding of God was.  He was like my earthly father – distant, angry, and loved me conditionally.  He was a God that had to be appeased.  I had to work to earn His attention and love.  I thought I had to be a “good boy” in order to have good things happen to me.  Wrong.  Our sexual purity journey is a spiritual journey.  God not only wants you to stop looking at porn and ogling women, He wants you to know who He is and how deep his love, grace, and mercy is.  Personally, the book of Psalms is the place where I’ve found God most during these last four years of my recovery.


YOUR TURN

Q:  What do you think?
Q:  What else would you add to the Sexual Purity 201 list?

—-

GET HELP FOR YOUR PURITY JOURNEY

snapshot2Jeff Fisher helps guys with their purity journeys through:

  • Online / Phone Support Groups
  • Accountability Coaching 
  • Personal Coaching 
  • Speaking at Conferences

www.puritycoaching.com
jeff@puritycoaching.com

Twitter Page
Facebook Page

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Thoughts on Masturbation

by Jeff Fisher on October 28, 2014

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Struggle within

One of the biggest questions we hear from our readers trying to be sexually pure is:  “Is it OK to masturbate?”

They want to know:

  • Is it an acceptable behavior?
  • Is it healthy?
  • Is it OK as long as I’m not having sex or looking at porn?
  • Is it OK as long as I’m thinking about my wife?
  • Is it OK if I’m not thinking about anyone?
  • Will I go to Hell for masturbating? 

Here’s a list of resources that can be found on Porn to Purity.com to help you work through this important issue.  All resources are from sexual addiction recovery ministries, counselors, or very good authorites on biblical and personal matters. 


p2plogo3dBLOGS FROM PORN TO PURITY.COM ON MASTURBATION

Can I Masturbate and Be OK?  PART 1, PART 2

How to Stop Masturbating

 

tension-fracture

 

THOUGHTS FROM OTHER MINISTRIES ON MASTURBATION

When is masturbation in a marriage OK?
from a question to the Focus on the Family Marriage Forum

Isn’t masturbation ok if it keeps you from acting out in your sexual sin?
from the Q&A section of the Pure Life Ministries website

“What’s Wrong with Masturbation, Anyway?”
from Probe Ministries

Is masturbation a sin?
from Be Broken Ministries

Is there anything good about masturbation?
from Be Broken Ministries

Masturbation
from the free e-book:
Porn-Again Christian:
A Frank Discussion on Pornography & Masturbation for God’s Men
by Pastor Mark Driscoll
Mars Hill Church, Seattle

 

AUDIO PODCASTS / MESSAGES ON MASTURBATION
The Truth About Masturbation (podcast)
from Be Broken Ministries
Link to Website
MP3 Link

Can I Ever Have a Clean Mind?

by Jeff Fisher on October 26, 2014

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This question came from a listener to my Top Tips For Sexual Purity Podcast (I-Tunes).  I’m sure many of you wonder if your mind will ever get clean? 

Q:  I’m worried the pornographic images I’ve looked at will never go away and will affect me and my marriage in the future.  What do you think?   Can I have a clean mind?

Some guys are able to heal deeply from the images and objectifying.  The more you let the Lord heal past wounds and hurts the better it will be.  Building sobriety from porn and masturbation will help a lot.  And when you start to move from selfishness to serving others, loving others, connecting with others it will help too.  As you head God’s direction, repent, and walk in righteousness He will ignite your passion for the things that are on His heart.

I can’t say that the porn you have viewed and sexual boundaries you have crossed won’t affect the future thinking.  Of course it has some bearing.  But if you are aware of your tendencies, get wise help, and have a good purity strategy, you will have a strong footing in life.

It’s not much different from a person who has anger, unforgiveness and bitterness or wounded relationships.  Of course that’s going to affect their relationships.  Of course it will bleed into marriage, and can cause great damage.  What’s really bad is when a person is pushing their anger and unforgiveness down, hoping it will go away.  It has to be brought to the surface, surrendered to the Lord our Healer, and the person has to walk in love, thankfulness, and forgiveness.  Does that make sense?  Your struggles with porn affect a different part of your heart, but it’s no different.

Top tips for working toward a clean mind:

  • Read Scripture everyday and soak in it.
  • Turn hard into praise and worship music.  Let God wash your mind.
  • Journal your thoughts and feelings God.
  • Get help from a counselor working on the hurts in your heart.
  • Cut out the visual content that’s tripping you up (sites, channels, magazines, etc.)
  • Tap the creativity of your mind with a new hobby or project.

GET HELP FOR YOUR PURITY JOURNEY

snapshot2Jeff Fisher helps guys with their purity journeys through:

  • Online / Phone Support Groups
  • Accountability Coaching 
  • Personal Coaching 
  • Speaking at Conferences

www.puritycoaching.com
jeff@puritycoaching.com

Twitter Page
Facebook Page

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How about a couple of free e-books today? I love that there are guys out there, putting out great content to help us with our sexual purity and sexual recovery.

Porn-Again Christian, by Mark Driscoll

The material in this book has been used in Driscoll’s church Mars Hill Church to help the men struggling with sexualissues. He put it into this booklet that has been very popular, and now offers it FREE to us.

CLICK HERE TO GET THE E-BOOK

 

 

 

 

13 Ways to Ruin Your Life, by Jarrod Jones

13-ways-to-ruin-your-life

Sexual temptation is and always will be a struggle for men…especially Christian men. No other sin seems to grab such a foothold like pornography and lust. In “13 Ways to Ruin Your Life”, Jarrod Jones shows the inevitable ruin of a young man living in sexual sin. Throughout the book, Jarrod shares his own victories, struggles, and personal stories that will make you laugh, groan, and find hope in your own situation. By studying the “13 Ways”, you will learn practical strategies to help you deal with, repent, and find victory from sexual sin.

CLICK HERE TO GET THE E-BOOK

How Can I Help My Husband Struggling With Porn?

by Jeff Fisher on October 8, 2014

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If you haven’t seen the good work Luke Gilkerson is doing over at Breaking Free (The Covenant Eyes Blog), here are some examples of some good articles that have been mentioned recently.  These are especially good for wives who have husbands who are struggling with pornography:

My Husband Is Having an Affair with Pornography, What Should I Do?

Is Pornography Scriptural Grounds for Divorce?

“Is Porn the Same as Adultery?”

And this more recent one:

“Living With an Unrepentant Husband, Porn-Abusing Husband – Advice to Weary Wives”  


OUR PARTNERSHIP WITH COVENANT EYES

We are glad to be partnered with Covenant Eyes.  They provide the best in accountability software for your computer and your mobile device.  You can try Covenant Eyes for free for 30 days by clicking:  THIS LINK.  When you get to check out make sure to enter the code “PURITY”.

GET HELP FOR YOUR PURITY JOURNEY

snapshot2Jeff Fisher helps guys with their purity journeys through:

  • Online / Phone Support Groups
  • Accountability Coaching
  • Personal Coaching
  • Speaking at Conferences

www.puritycoaching.com
jeff@puritycoaching.com

Confidential voice mail line:  (321) 5-PURITY

Twitter Page
Facebook Page

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Guidelines For the Sexual Addict: Renting Movies

October 7, 2014

The Oscars have gotten me on the theme of movies this week.  I love seeing movies and renting movies.  As I have been in recovery, I found I needed to develop some guidelines for watching or renting movies.  These are specific to me and the things that work of me.  Depending on your own recovery […]

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How to Guarantee a Sexual Relapse

October 6, 2014

Anonymity = Guaranteed Relapse

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Terms You Learn in Sexual Recovery – pt. 4

October 4, 2014

Red Light Behaviors, Yellow Light Behaviors, Recovery Story, and Objectifying Women are all important terms for anyone striving for sexual purity to learn.

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Terms You Learn in Sexual Recovery – pt. 3

October 3, 2014

White Knuckling It, Chrck In, and Accountability are all important terms to learn in your quest for sexual purity.

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Terms You Learn in Sexual Recovery – pt. 2

October 2, 2014

Acting Out, Triggers, and Rituals are important terms you need to learn in sexual recovery.

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Terms You Learn in Sexual Recovery – pt.1

October 1, 2014

Addiction and Bottom Lines are two key terms you must learn about in your sexual recovery process.

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