Thoughts on Why We Have Same-Sex Fantasies

by Jeff Fisher on June 29, 2013

The-Fantasy Fallacy-Cover-thumI’m reading a great book by Shannon Ethridge called The Fantasy Fallacy: Exposing the Deeper Meaning Behind Sexual Thoughts.  So many of us are fighting the battles of masturbation, pornography and illicit relationships, but strongly losing the battles of the mind.

I want to get better at this. I also want to learn about what drives my fantasy life.

In chapter 7, called “Grappling With Gay and Lesbian Fantasies”, Ethridge shares some reasons why men and women turn to gay porn and gay relationships.  (140-142)


The “Rebel” Factor – we reject our parents’ spiritual and sexual values and form our own.

The “Ghost” Principle – we lost a significant same-sex figure in our past and are trying to make up for it.

The “Fix Me” Factor – a partner can fix our dysfunctional past in sexual ways.

The “Cannibal” Effect – we admire the strong character traits in another and interpret our feelings as a sexual attraction.



The “Aggression” Effect – we take our anger in sexual ways toward others.

The “Punish Me” Principle – our guilt and shame drive us to invite abuse.

The “No Strings” Factor – it is easy in the gay community to be sexual without relational commitment.



The “Pinnacle” Principle – the beauty of the female body inspires the highest art, music, and literature… and us.

The “3-D” Effect – the curves of the female body are more interesting than the straighter body of the man.

The “Safe Refuge” Effect – we run to female figures for comfort.

The “Familiarity” Factor – we run to female figures for relationships and emotional empathy.

The “Danger / Default” Factor – we don’t feel safe around men (usually because of abuse).

I interviewed Shannon Ethridge about her book on my Top Resources For Sexual Purity Podcast
 LISTEN HERE (36 min)

BOOK REVIEW – Jeff Fisher of reviews The Fantasy Fallacy

Bartering With Our Bodies (Ch. 5)
When “One Flesh” Isn’t Enough Flesh (Ch. 6)
Grappling With Gay and Lesbian Fantasies (Ch. 7)
Our Fascination With Pleasure, Pain and Power (Ch. 8)



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