On our Porn to Purity website, I posted a weeklong series of articles on objectifying women and ways to work on it. I think they are very helpful.
Here are the links:
Objectfication: Why we do it and why it’s a problem
Objectfication: Common excuses and danger zones
Objectfication: How to work on it and get healthy
The Problem With Eye Candy
Just the Pretty Girls
What’s Her Name?
Since posting the series I have a few other thoughts about finding freedom from objectifying women:
1. It’s a harder battle to fight than your body battles – With our bodies, we stop doing behaviors, we don’t go bad places, and we put up roadblocks. Our minds are wild. We are not used to having controlled minds. We may have lusted and objectified women for decades. When we are working on pure thinking we are literally rewiring our brains. That’s hard!
2. The healthier you get, the better this gets – Overall, the longer you are sober, and the longer you stay engaged in your recovery, your objectification struggles will get better. Recovery is not about stopping masturbating or stopping looking at porn… it’s about getting healthy in our sexuality. That’s what God is cultivating in our lives – health. Any big steps you take toward healing will help the big picture.
So, if you are taking time in counseling to work on your heart wounds, you will find that your other battles will get better.
If you’re setting up a good support structure, you will find the other battles a little easier.
If you are talking openly about your struggles, it’s all part of the bigger picture.
3. Meditating on Scripture has helped me a lot – This is newer for me. I am spending this year meditating each day on single purity verses. I am letting them sink into my soul. Here’s a handful: Ephesians 5:3; Psalms 119:9-11; I Thess. 4:3-5; Colossians 3:1-2; Philippians 4:8
4. I still struggle – I still look at joggers. I still stare too long at TV commercials. But most days I am engaged. I usually call my accountability partner on triggery days and he and I meet once a week to go over specific struggles. That’s helping. But I’m still young in this recovery thing – only 4 years for me.
5. We can have pure minds – I believe that I can have a pure mind. I believe I can think purely because the Bible calls me to it. I don’t believe that I will be perfect or that it will happen every day. But I believe that if I am focused on God’s Spirit and have my mind set on things above then I cannot please my sinful nature at the same time. I just need a lot more practice focusing on the things of God.
The main reason I say this is that many guys in recovery don’t think that a pure mind is possible. They are also the guys that don’t tend to think that freedom from masturbation is possible either. My thought… why would God call me to a pure standard if it wasn’t possible to get there, or at least have moments where my purity is where it needs to be?
[jeff gets off his soapbox]
6. It doesn’t permanently go away – I haven’t met a guy yet who doesn’t have struggles with looking. What I find is that it gets less intense the healthier the guy is. I guess this shouldn’t surprise us, but it kind of does. We have to always be engaged with our eyes and with our thinking.
7. Got any worship music on your I-Pod? – I know several guys that throw on the worship when things are getting rough. I don’t have a huge catalog of worship music, but I have found this to be very effective.
I’d love to hear your thoughts and suggestions.