Battles We Fight

Do You Really Believe You Can Be Free?

by Jeff Fisher on November 9, 2014

{ 0 comments }

Hear Jeff Fisher podcast this blog on his Top Tips For Sexual Purity Podcast:  CLICK HERE

I want you to be honest about what you’re about to read.

These Scriptures speak to your sexual sin, and any other areas of your life that God wants to touch.  Read them slowly.

Galatians 5:1 “It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.”

Galatians 5:13 “You, my brothers, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the sinful nature; rather, serve one another in love.”

Romans 6:12-14 “Therefore do not let sin reign in your mortal body so that you obey its evil desires. Do not offer the parts of your body to sin, as instruments of wickedness, but rather offer yourselves to God, as those who have been brought from death to life; and offer the parts of your body to him as instruments of righteousness. For sin shall not be your master, because you are not under law, but under grace.”

THREE HONEST RESPONSES
Response #1:  I believe it.  I’m experiencing Christ’s freedom and learning to walk in it.

Response #2:  I believe it.  I can’t figure out how to get there.

Response #3:  I read these verses, but have a hard time believing them. 

There’s no question what the Bible says here:

  • Freedom exists.
  • It is Christ who makes it happen.
  • I can use my freedom to indulge in sin or serve God and others.
  • There is a connection between freedom and the grace of God.

I have struggled with these Scriptures (even as a Christian) because my sexual sin was so dominant.  I believed in Jesus, I knew He had saved me, but I didn’t think I could be free from lust, pornography and masturbation.  How was that possible?  If there was freedom in Christ, why was I having such a hard time staying pure?

Some Scriptures are easy to believe and obey.  I like those.  Some Scriptures I struggle with, but still believe they are possible.  Other Scriptures kick me in the butt and seem so out of reach for my life that I have trouble accepting them.  The exercise here is to be honest… with yourself, with others, and with God.

It’s OK to admit that you are having trouble believing a Scripture.  God is our loving Father.  He can take it.  He will not strike you down or punish you for your honest.  The people He had the strongest judgment for in the Bible were the fakers.

I’m learning not to be a faker.

I’m also learning that freedom is a journey of faith.  I am learning to believe that God’s Word is true.  I believe if He allowed it to be penned in the Scriptures there must be a way to get there.

If you’re having trouble believing that freedom from sexual sin is possible, that’s OK.  Be honest with God and ask Him to help you believe.

Mark 9:24 “Immediately the boy’s father exclaimed, ‘I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!’”

Tomorrow’s blog is titled “I Believe Freedom is Possible, But How Do I Get There?”   I hope you’ll join me.

GET HELP FOR YOUR PURITY JOURNEY

snapshot2Jeff Fisher helps guys with their purity journeys through:

  • Online / Phone Support Groups
  • Accountability Coaching 
  • Personal Coaching 
  • Speaking at Conferences

www.puritycoaching.com
jeff@puritycoaching.com

Twitter Page
Facebook Page

purity coaching banner 1

Why WE Can’t Stop Sexual Sin

by Jeff Fisher on November 3, 2014

{ 0 comments }

stop_it

I thought this would complement yesterday’s blog on Why We Can’t Stop? Be sure to check out the You Tube link – Bob Newhart’s classic “Stop It!” routine.

 

Don’t you wish we could just STOP doing our sexual sin?  If you’re like me, you’ve tried 1000 times to stop.  But we just keep coming back to that same behavior.  A string of attempts, and a bigger string of failures.  I try to control myself, but instead find my sin is controlling me.

This is how an addiction works.  This is also what bondage looks like.

I continue to realize that I cannot stop my sexual sin.  But it doesn’t mean that all is hopeless and that I’m trapped.

WE HAVE TOO MANY PROBLEMS
1.  Heart problem - It’s not the behavior, it’s our hearts.  Our hearts are selfish, conditioned, and driven by our lusts.  Our hearts want what is easy and makes us feel good.

2.  Sin Problem – Our core, apart from Christ, is sinful.  Our natural desire is to go the wrong way.  Our sin nature controls us.

3.  Chemical Problem – Addiction feeds off the chemical highs.  We have caused the chemicals in our brains to go crazy when we look at porn, fantasize, masturbate and have sex.  Our brains crave more and more.

4.  Learned Behavior Problem – We have conditioned ourselves to act out in unhealthy ways.  And we’ve probably been doing it for decades.  The paths of sexual behavior are “well worn” paths.  It makes charting new paths extremely difficult.

5.  Emotional Problem – We have emotional needs and hurts that we are trying to medicate with lust, masturbation, and porn.  They are an undercurrent that feeds our addiction.

A FOUR-PART SOLUTION
If we are to be freed from sexual sin, we must open give up our efforts to try and fix ourselves.  We must surrender to God’s help and the help of others.

question-mark1.  God - God is the only one who can get down into our hearts and work on the deep stuff is Christ.

2.  Support Group - A healthy support group is not just an addiction group.  It could be a combination of your family, your friends, your wife, or your pastor.  These are your cheerleaders, your encouragers.

3.  Wise People - Different from our support group, these are the people that can give us the insight we need about ourselves to work on the deeper stuff.  They can help identify blindspots and weaknesses.

4.  My Part - We do have a part, it’s just different.  It involves surrender to God, submission to others, and a commitment to the process.  These must all be done on a daily basis.

 


BobNewhartBOB NEWHART’S “STOP IT” ROUTINE
Here’s a great comedy bit that Bob Newhart did called “Stop It!”  Enjoy a good laugh today:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BYLMTvxOaeE&feature=PlayList&p=6B68C3EC0F5CF992&index=0

 

 

 

 

 

GET HELP FOR YOUR PURITY JOURNEY

snapshot2Jeff Fisher helps guys with their purity journeys through:

  • Online / Phone Support Groups
  • Accountability Coaching 
  • Personal Coaching 
  • Speaking at Conferences

www.puritycoaching.com
jeff@puritycoaching.com

Twitter Page
Facebook Page

purity coaching banner 1

 

Discovering Your Sexual Rituals

by Jeff Fisher on November 2, 2014

{ 0 comments }

Everyone in sexual addiction recovery has to be aware of rituals.  Rituals are

“Routines we have that prepare us for acting out sexually”

  • Going to a bar to pick up girls
  • Driving a certain way after work to pick up a porn movie
  • Masturbating before you go to bed
  • Chilling out in from of the computer before you go to bad sites
  • Positioning yourself a certain way to practice voyeurism
  • Carving out time to be alone so you can act out in private
  • Taking a long shower
  • Renting the sexually explicit movies when your spouse is gone

Rituals get us warmed up to act out.  They are yellow light behaviors.  They are actually the first stage of acting out.

Rituals open the door to sexual acting out.  They put us in a downward funnel.  They prime the pump for further sexual behavior.

 

IDENTIFYING AND DEALING WITH YOUR RITUALS

1.      Think about a time when you acted out recently. 
Masturbation, pre-marital sex, affair, voyeurism, objectification, fantasy

2.      What rituals led up to your acting out?
It could be watching a TV show, looking at sites on the computer, a Sunday circular, a flirtatious conversation, lustful long looking at a person, time alone in your hotel room…

3.       Write each of them down and start working on roadblocks and boundaries.

4.      Create a strategy for each of your rituals.
Build several barriers around you and your rituals. Example:  For the firty person at work, you need to take a different path when you walk around, not talk to the person, be cold toward them, pray before you talk to them, etc.

5.      Bring your rituals into the Light.
This is the most important step.  Rituals must be shared with someone safe.  Bring them into the Light.  This takes the power out of them.  Rituals are secrets that grow in the dark.  Someone safe needs to hear it.  You need to hear yourself telling someone.

6.       Time and distance.
Breaking from rituals take time.  Rituals are learned patterns that we build into our routines.  Our brains are trained to go down the path and to act out.  You have to recondition your brain to act in a healthy way, instead of in a ritualistic way.

Remember, you will still act out if your determined.  The best strategy in the world is not going to stop the person who is bent on acting out.

One more thing – Break it!  Don’t try to get as close to the ritual as possible.  Build big barriers around them.  Be as far away from your ritual as possible.

 

CHECK OUT THESE BLOGS
Terms You Learn in Sexual Recovery  Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4

 

GET HELP FOR YOUR PURITY JOURNEY

snapshot2Jeff Fisher helps guys with their purity journeys through:

  • Online / Phone Support Groups
  • Accountability Coaching
  • Personal Coaching
  • Speaking at Conferences

www.puritycoaching.com
jeff@puritycoaching.com

Confidential voice mail line:  (321) 5-PURITY

Twitter Page
Facebook Page

purity coaching banner 1

 

Questions About Masturbation?

by Jeff Fisher on November 1, 2014

{ 0 comments }

Even Elvis can't believe what the Porn to Purity Blog will be talking about!

The next three days on our blog will be about masturbation.  What a hot topic!  What an important topic!  We have so much confusion over the topic and guilt and silence. 

We hope that our thoughts will be an incredible help to our readers. 

WEDNESDAY - Can I Masturbate and Be OK? (questions like “Am I going to Hell if I masturbate?”  will be answered)

THURSDAY - Can I Masturbate and Be OK?

FRIDAY – How to Stop Masturbating
104 PODCAST TALKS ABOUT MASTURBATION
Jeff is also recording some episodes of The 104 Podcast:  Top Tips For Sexual Purity on masturbation.  They will roll out later in the month.

Thoughts on Masturbation

by Jeff Fisher on October 28, 2014

{ 0 comments }

Struggle within

One of the biggest questions we hear from our readers trying to be sexually pure is:  “Is it OK to masturbate?”

They want to know:

  • Is it an acceptable behavior?
  • Is it healthy?
  • Is it OK as long as I’m not having sex or looking at porn?
  • Is it OK as long as I’m thinking about my wife?
  • Is it OK if I’m not thinking about anyone?
  • Will I go to Hell for masturbating? 

Here’s a list of resources that can be found on Porn to Purity.com to help you work through this important issue.  All resources are from sexual addiction recovery ministries, counselors, or very good authorites on biblical and personal matters. 


p2plogo3dBLOGS FROM PORN TO PURITY.COM ON MASTURBATION

Can I Masturbate and Be OK?  PART 1, PART 2

How to Stop Masturbating

 

tension-fracture

 

THOUGHTS FROM OTHER MINISTRIES ON MASTURBATION

When is masturbation in a marriage OK?
from a question to the Focus on the Family Marriage Forum

Isn’t masturbation ok if it keeps you from acting out in your sexual sin?
from the Q&A section of the Pure Life Ministries website

“What’s Wrong with Masturbation, Anyway?”
from Probe Ministries

Is masturbation a sin?
from Be Broken Ministries

Is there anything good about masturbation?
from Be Broken Ministries

Masturbation
from the free e-book:
Porn-Again Christian:
A Frank Discussion on Pornography & Masturbation for God’s Men
by Pastor Mark Driscoll
Mars Hill Church, Seattle

 

AUDIO PODCASTS / MESSAGES ON MASTURBATION
The Truth About Masturbation (podcast)
from Be Broken Ministries
Link to Website
MP3 Link

Can I Ever Have a Clean Mind?

October 26, 2014

This question came from a listener to my Top Tips For Sexual Purity Podcast (I-Tunes).  I’m sure many of you wonder if your mind will ever get clean?  Q:  I’m worried the pornographic images I’ve looked at will never go away and will affect me and my marriage in the future.  What do you think?   […]

Read the full article →

How To Stop Masturbating

February 7, 2014

The last two days we talked about masturbation.  Is it OK?  Will we burn in Hell if we do it?  Can we still honor God and be masturbators?  Is masturbation addictive? Check out the previous blog posts: “Can I Masturbate and Be OK?   Part I” “Can I Masturbate and Be OK?  Part II” Many of us want to stop […]

Read the full article →

Is It OK to Masturbate?

January 24, 2014

We look at the big question: Is it OK to masturbate?

Read the full article →

I Struggle With Looking at Women

September 8, 2013

On our Porn to Purity website, I posted a weeklong series of articles on objectifying women and ways to work on it.  I think they are very helpful. Here are the links: Objectfication:  Why we do it and why it’s a problem Objectfication:  Common excuses and danger zones Objectfication:  How to work on it and […]

Read the full article →

Basic Purity Tips – Football Style

August 20, 2013

Purity isn’t just sexual purity.  There’s a broader definition for us as Christian men.  We don’t want to allow anything into our heart, mind, soul, or body that twists God’s creation.  We don’t want to be drawn or attached to anything that steals us away from glorifying God. Ps. 101:3 “I will set my eyes […]

Read the full article →

How to Build Your Personal Purity Plan – #2 Your Eyes

August 19, 2013

No sexual purity plan will succeed without a plan for our eyes.  We are too visual and our eyes have had too much practice looking in wrong places.  We can’t leave our eyes alone and succeed in purity. On this series of blogs I’m sharing 4 essential parts of our personal purity plan that we […]

Read the full article →