Top Verses For Sexual Purity

Top Tip 013 – When am I Ready to Help Someone Else?

by Jeff Fisher on March 6, 2012

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Tom, a friend of mine, has worked with guys dealing with sexual addiction for many years. He has led sexual recovery groups, and meets with several guys each week. I was curious when a guy in recovery is ready to start helping others.

1. When are guys who are recovering from porn addiction ready to help others?
It varies with each person, but essentially they are ready to help others as soon as they begin their healing. I would say that it helps us as much as it does the person we are helping. It is always easier to see issues in others than in ourselves, but it helps to reveal our own deep issues when we see it in others.

2. What are some things a guy needs to have progress on, in order to start helping others?
They should be out of the “crisis” stage before reaching out to help anyone else. If a guy has been having in an ongoing affair he should end the affair before reaching out to anyone else. Or if he has been masturbating a couple of times a day, that should diminish considerably prior to helping another person. They should also be in some recovery program prior to helping someone else.

3. What are the key components to helping others?
Mainly to talk about their own struggles. I have found that the biggest issue addicts deal with is the belief that they are the only one doing this, or the only one doing it to that degree. The shame involved is immense and fuels the addiction, so hearing from another person that they struggle in a similar way helps to break down that false belief. It also opens the door to sharing their own issues more easily. Any success they have had will also encourage the person they are helping.

4. Why are groups so helpful to helping others?
One of the biggest benefits is hearing that others struggle in the same areas. Groups also give you eyes/ears/experiences to help you see things that you cannot. Accountability helps, but it is only as good as the person leading the group. The more transparent the leader, the more open the group members will be.

5. How do you do accountability when you’re helping other guys?
Accountability is modeled by the leader or leaders. Even if there isn’t a designated leader someone will always fill that role and it is important that they are transparent and humble. I have found that it was more valuable to the group that I confessed when I slipped than if I didn’t say anything about it. I thought that it would hinder their recovery if they knew that the group leader still slipped at times but I was completely wrong.

Jesus is our standard. The group leader needs to be an example of honesty and openness. I try to confess anything I am struggling with even if it has nothing to do with sexual addiction. Marriage, kids, job, my walk with Christ, anger, overeating, laziness, etc. Wherever I am struggling it is important that I share that, and of course if I am struggling with temptation that would be a very good thing to share.

6. How do you know a guy is serious about getting better?
If they are willing to come to the meetings regularly and share what they are struggling with it is a good sign. If not, then they are probably not serious about getting healthy, and are just looking to check off that they went to a group.

They also need to be reading books on sexual addiction recovery and contacting other guys throughout the week.

Counseling is something I HIGHLY recommend for every addict and co-addict, in addition to being in a group.

I use the analogy of a gym membership. You can join a club, even show up regularly, but it you don’t use the equipment or work out then you aren’t serious about getting in shape.

Thanks, Tom for the good advice!

jeff@porntopurity.com

@porntopurity on Twitter

Call-in voicemail line line: (321) 5-PURITY

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The Value of Psalms to Your Sexual Purity Journey

by Jeff Fisher on February 7, 2012

I think the Book of Psalms has been my “go to book” for the last several years in my sexual purity journey.

If there are times when I’m reading the Bible and

I want to connect with God
I don’t know where to go
I’m burdened
I’m trigger
I’m having a rough day
I’m dealing with a lot of emotion… I go to the book of Psalms.

The Psalms is helping me find God, and it’s helping me get in touch with my heart. I’m learning more about God through this book than any other book in the Bible. And I’m learning more about how to pour my heart out to God and how to get the things in my heart outward because of this book.

Before, I used to stay away from the book of Psalms. It’s really long. It’s got a lot of poetry and songs. And it’s not as action packed and exciting as other books of the Bible. But this book has taken on a whole new life for me. Out of my brokenness. Because you’ve got guys in this book who are writing out of their struggles, writing out of their emotion, writing out of their brokenness. They’re writing Psalms that are angry, joyous, worshipful, complaining, mourning, confused, broken, asking God to bring delieverance. A whole range of emotions.

REAL PEOPLE WITH REAL STRUGGLES
The other thing I dig about the book of Psalms is that it’s people being real. For so long in my spiritual life, I didn’t have integrity. The real jeff that was on the inside, in my heart didn’t make it to the outside very often. I sure didn’t share it with people. I kept it private, closing my heart, keeping the matters of the heart in the dark. What I didn’t realize is that my heart got hard because of that. My relationship lost its fire and flare. I lost a sense of worship and began worshipping pornography and worshipping my own body through masturbation and self-stimulation.

The book of Psalms is full of people who are being real before God, but getting their stuff out in a healthy direction. I think that’s a big recovery principle. The stuff that’s in my heart, I have to identify it, and get it out in a healthy direction. But writing it out, praying it out, talking it out with friends, or pastor, or counselor, having conversations where I’m getting the stuff of my heart out.

HELPS ME SEE MY HEART
The book of Pslams has helped me look at the condition of my heart and see what type of feelings are there. Feelings are not bad, they’re God-given. We have to respond to them in a right way. I’ve gotten in some bad habits when I’ve responded to my feelings in a wrong way and taken them in bad directions. Respond in a right way to what’s going on in my heart. When I’m not reflecting my feelings and emotions and sins and struggles it’s really heart to be real.

Often, we don’t know what’s going on in our hearts. We don’t know what our hearts are dealing with. We don’t know the output. We don’t know how they’re affecting our behaviors. We don’t spend much time thinking about our hearts.

GO TO THE GYM… WITH YOUR HEART
The thing about that Psalms is they actively engage the heart. There’s something in the book that stirs us up. This is why it’s important to read the book of Psalms and to mark the ones that are meaningful to you.

Now, I’ve got a lot of underlines in the book of Psalms. Ones that relate to my SA recovery I’ve put specially stars by or I highlight. I’ve even gone to the front of my bible and kept a list of Recovery Psalms. Chapters and verses.

I want to encourage you to spend some more time in the book of Psalms. This is the place where we go to the gym to exercise our hearts. Lifting weights for our hearts. It’s going to help us a ton!

Go read the Psalms, guys!

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Jeff Fisher lives in Raleigh, NC. He and his wife run the site www.porntopurity.com, a site designed to offer hope, encouragement and resources to those who are affected by sexual sin. Checkout Jeff’s podcasts on I-Tunes: Top Tips For Sexual Purity, Top Verses For Sexual Purity, and For Ministers Who Struggle.

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Top Verses: Getting Clean From Everything – II Corinthians 7:1

by Jeff Fisher on January 31, 2012

II Corinthians 7:1
Since we have these promises, dear friends, let us purify ourselves from everything that contaminates body and spirit, perfecting holiness out of reverence for God.

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This is a nice verse about our part and God’s part in pursuing holiness. The holiness journey is a broad journey. The purity journey is not just about sexual purity, but getting all impurities out, all sinfulness out, and walking in a way that’s right before the Lord.

SINCE WE HAVE THESE PROMISES
Prior to this, there’s a great passage about not being joined together with unbelievers because it diminishes our ability to follow God, honor God, and glorify God. We don’t want to mix godliness with ungodliness.

That’s a good purity principle: We’ve got to stick with the godly atmosphere, the godly people, and things.

We don’t just exclude non-believers and non-Christians from our contact. Of course we have to be around others who don’t follow God. But we have to make sure that what’s swaying us and influencing us are godly things.

LET US PURIFY OURSELVES
There’s a divine component to my holiness journey, and it’s large. I couldn’t be pure at all without God. But there’s also an aggressive command to me: purify ourselves. Sometimes that means running from immorality or radically cutting things out. Paul tells us to go after the things that contaminate your body and spirit. I have to do my part. I have to be active in chosing purity. I have to be engaged.

My purity journey is not just “God, make me pure” and then me doing nothing, sitting, waiting for it to happen. There’s an active engagement in this journey. I’m journeying with God who gives me the ability to be pure, but I’ve got to take the essential steps.

EVERYTHING THAT CONTAMINATES BODY AND SPIRIT
I have to work hard at this, take a comprehensive look. I have to work hard internally and externally to get rid of everything that’s going to mess me up. There’s a high bar set here, isn’t there? Go after everything in your body and spirit.

Body
I was thinking about some of the things bodily, that I physically come in contact with. Old girlfriends I have had to get rid of. People that talk about sexual exploits a lot. DVDs. Stop going to sites that trip me up on the computer. I’ve had to stop going to certain types of movies. I’ve had to put filters on my computer and on my Netflix. There’s a lot that I’ve had to physically deal with and get rid of.

Some people have to change the way they go to bed at night. Some have to change what they do on a Friday night. Shower routine. Whatever it takes for my body to not get contaminated.

Spirit
Then what about my spirit? What about my insides? What kinds of things have contaminated me on the inside? There are lies I’ve believed about God. Lies I’ve believed about myself or my marriage. John Eldredge calls these agreements that I’ve made with the Enemy.

There are fruits of the flesh that I like to live in, definitely selfishness, pride, idols, turning to substitutes to meet my needs. These are inside things. I need to ID them. I need others to help me work through them, and God’s power to intervene.

Whatever it takes for me to not be contaminated body and spirit, that’s what I need to do.

PERFECT HOLINESS OUT OF REVERENCE FOR GOD
Wow! Is this really in my hands, or is this just a goal to shoot for. Isn’t holiness already perfected in Jesus? Absolutely! I’m whole in my relationship with Jesus. I’m made holy by the sacrifice on the cross and my faith in that, but Jeff is not whole. I’ve not been able to live it out. I still have the old stuff and the old Jeff that’s out there. God wants to purge that from me piece by piece. It’s a process that’s called sanctification. I’m being set aside. I’m not holy and perfect yet.

Then I need to do this out of reverence for God. Its my attitude which drives my actions anyway. Fear God. Respect God. Be in awe of God. Be humble. I need to do a “reverence check”.

RECOVERY PRINCIPLES
#1 – God’s part of purity took part on the cross. His part if finished. It’s done

#2 – Our part of purity involves partnering with God to purge and to walk in a right way.

#3 – Purity is an ongoing process that we have to be engaged in every day.

#4 – Reverence for God is a key motivator in our sexual purity journey.

#5 – We need the help of others to help us identify the things that are contaminating our body and spirit. It’s an essential part of discipleship.

This passage today is one of those larger goal passages. It’s also one of those “stay engaged” passages. I hope that you’ll stay engaged in your purity journey

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Jeff Fisher lives in Raleigh, NC. He and his wife run the site www.porntopurity.com, a site designed to offer hope, encouragement and resources to those who are affected by sexual sin. Checkout Jeff’s podcasts on I-Tunes: Top Tips For Sexual Purity, Top Verses For Sexual Purity, and For Ministers Who Struggle.

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Top Verses – Cut Off, Throw Away – Matthew 5:30

by Jeff Fisher on January 24, 2012

Matthew 5:30
And if your right hand causes you to sin, throw it away. It’s better that you lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go into Hell.

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Here’s a big, big verse when it comes to sexual purity! We’re right in the middle of the Sermon on the Mount. There’s this huge passage about lust and adultery. This is a passage that has been highly analyzed, sometimes over-examined. We’re not going to over-examine it. We’re going to draw the simple principles that come from the verse.

A RADICAL VERSE
Am I really supposed to cut off my right hand? No, of course not. I know some of the monks have cut off their private parts to try and be as literal as possible. But I guarantee that doesn’t work. If all of us who masturbated cut off our right hand or foot, we’d be walking around with no limbs. Everybody stumbles.

So it has to be talking about something different and deeper. Understand that this passage is saying “we start at the law and the physical, but where it really begins is in the heart.”

Target our hearts, and target the things around us that are causing us to stumble. The last purity verse we looked at told us to purge ourselves from everything that contaminates our body and spirit. I think that’s a good summation of this verse.

CUT OFF YOUR RIGHT HAND
The “right hand” in bible times was the important hand, the hand of power. It represented things that were important to a person. To be sexually pure, I need a strategy to help me get rid of things that cause me to stumble, yes, but many of these things I have to get rid of have a deep, emotional connection to me. I don’t want to get rid of them. I want to hold on to them.

I didn’t want to stop masturbating, or looking at porn on the computer. Even with the consequences that happen, these things are fun. I talked myself into believing that they weren’t that bad. My attitude at times was “Just leave me alone and mind your own business.” I wanted to get the kicks that I wanted to get. After all, I wasn’t committing adultery.

My body wasn’t committing adultery, by my heart was. My idols were sex, the orgasm and the sexual high. There were big things I had attached to that I needed to get rid of. Early on, I had to get rid of a lot of things.

CUT OFF, THROW AWAY
And it says, “cut it off and throw it away”. Better to sacrifice. Better to suffer. Better to go without for the sake of my purity journey.

Cutting it off is one thing, but throwing it away is another. Throwing it away is the follow through. This is where the struggle is. I can stop something for a while. I can take a sledge hammer to my computer. I can throw it out. I can unplug the Internet. I can cut things off. But continuing to throw away and not look back is what this is calling us to. I’m convinced that this is something we need God’s strength with. In a lot of cases, we’ve developed a deep emotional attachment in our heart. We’ve developed a deep chemical addiction to the sexual high.

BETTER TO LOSE A BODY PART, THAN GO TO HELL
Jesus is not saying that if we don’t stop masturbating we’re going to go to Hell. We can confuse the issue of porn addiction with the issue of salvation. My salvation is not based on what I do, that’s religion. My salvation is based on my relationship with God and his love toward me that keeps me. I’m reminded that if I keep going on the path of stumbling and sinfulness and lust then it’s a path full of death and destruction. It’s the path of Hell. Sin always grabs us, dominates us and drags us Hellward.

RECOVERY PRINCIPLES
#1 – It takes radical obedience to be successful on our purity journey

#2 – Deal with the nouns that trip us up.

#3 – We can live with less. Sacrifice these things that we think are so important. God fills those gaps with things that are so much better.

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Jeff Fisher lives in Raleigh, NC. He and his wife run the site www.porntopurity.com, a site designed to offer hope, encouragement and resources to those who are affected by sexual sin. Checkout Jeff’s podcasts on I-Tunes: Top Tips For Sexual Purity, Top Verses For Sexual Purity, and For Ministers Who Struggle.

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A Covenant With My Eyes – Job 31:1

by Jeff Fisher on January 17, 2012

Job 31:1 “I made a covenant with my eyes not to look lustfully at a girl.”

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Job is an Old Testament book we probably don’t read very often or maybe never have read. Job was a very righteous guy. He had a serious commitment to living out his righteousness and living out a pure life before God.

In the context of this verse and this chapter, a lot of bad things have happened to Job. His friends have come to him and said that if you were really righteous these things would not happen to you. Job is defending himself in this chapter. He’s taking an inventory of his life saying, “I haven’t sinned here, or here, or here. God is not punishing me for my sins.” He now comes to chapter 31 and says, “I haven’t sinned with my eyes either.”

Job is so focused on God and engaged, he could say that his eyes were pure. He had not looked lustfully with his eyes. Wow!

Lust was not something Job wanted to have a part of. He didn’t want it to characterize his life or trip him up. He has obviously taken some proactive measures to shore up his eyes and mind. He made a “covenant”

What is a covenant?

THE IMPORTANCE OF A COVENANT
A covenant is a coming together. It’s a solemn agreement between two parties. Job knew that his eyes could trip him up. He took action beforehand. He wanted his will to become one with his eyes.

Job was a married guy. This commitment to God was also a commitment to his wife.

Job brought his eyes in submission to his will, first with an agreement.

I’ve noticed in my own life when I make a commitment, a promise or write something down it has a better chance of sticking in my life. Commitments make me stronger and more aware.

I still have to choose to live by this covenant daily. Job walked daily in this covenant. He stayed engaged in his mission to be righteous and to be a good representative of God.

INTEGRITY
What’s amazing is that now he’s called into question. “Where have you sinned Job?” is the question his friends are asking. He can say with integrity he didn’t sin.

If I was called into question about my sin and about my eyes, I certainly couldn’t say this. I messed up today and yesterday. What day don’t I mess up? I guess I figured with all of my recovery work and intensity I would get to a point where looking lustfully at a girl wouldn’t be a problem. But it is a problem. I recognize that God has hardwired me to be attracted to the opposite sex. He has made me a visual person. And my eyes are a part of my life that I have chosen to take in an unhealthy direction… many times. I’ve had two and a half decades of looking lustfully at a woman. It’s going to take me a while to get to where Job is. It hasn’t come instantaneously.

Job’s not a perfect guy. It’s not that he didn’t sin. Of course he did. But he was not ignorant about his life and his behaviors. He kept his sins and failings up-to-date. He kept his eyes in check.

I can feel God calling me to make a solemn covenant with my eyes so I can be better in this area.

We think our eye battle is a battle that can’t be won. We think it’s too hard. We think there is too much temptation. We believe everyone looks, everyone objectifies, and after all, I’m a guy, and that’s what guys do.

Job proves this thinking wrong.

LOOKING LUSTFULLY IS THE PROBLEM
I’m also reminded that the look is not the problem. Looking lustfully is the problem. Coveting. Objectifying. Fantacizing. Trying to work it out so you can touch the woman.

GOD’S VERY HIGH STANDARD
This verse reminds us of God’s high standard. He wants us to not look lustfully. This high standard is right up there with Ephesians 5:3 which commands us to not even have a “hint of sexual immorality” in us.

RECOVERY PRINCIPLES

God wants us to be pure with our eyes. It’s possible with God’s power.
Our eyes are not going to get pure by themselves. We have to be very intentional. We have to engage our eyes.
We need to work toward healthy looks and healthy relationships with women.

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Jeff Fisher lives in Raleigh, NC. He and his wife run the site www.porntopurity.com, a site designed to offer hope, encouragement and resources to those who are affected by sexual sin. Checkout Jeff’s podcasts on I-Tunes: Top Tips For Sexual Purity, Top Verses For Sexual Purity, and For Ministers Who Struggle.

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Tips on Avoiding Immorality and Controlling Your Body – I Thess. 4:3-5

January 10, 2012

I Thessalonians 4:3-5 “It is God’s will that you should be sanctified. That you should avoid sexual immorality. That each of you should learn to control his own body in a way that is holy and honorable not in passionate lusts like the heathen who don’t know God.” LISTEN TO JEFF SHARE THIS PODCAST Click [...]

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Our Purity Mission Summed Up in One Verse – Ephesians 5:3

January 3, 2012

“But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people.” Ephesians 5:3 LISTEN TO JEFF SHARE THIS PODCAST Click HERE to download directly I was awakened to this verse when I read Every Man’s Battle [...]

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Top Verses For Sexual Purity Podcast – 053 – I Need to Be Taught to Be Sexual Purity

August 16, 2011

PURITY VERSE: 11 For the grace of God that brings salvation has appeared to all men. 12 It teaches us to say “No” to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age, Titus 2:11-12 TODAY’S EPISODE: Jeff reflects on the Holy Spirit’s role as a Teacher when [...]

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Top Verses For Sexual Purity Podcast – 052 – A Haunting Reminder of David and Bathsheba

August 3, 2011

PURITY VERSE: Then David sent messengers to get her. She came to him, and he slept with her. (She had purified herself from her uncleanness.) Then she went back home. The woman conceived and sent word to David, saying, “I am pregnant.” II Samuel 11:4-5 TODAY’S EPISODE: David’s adulterous relationship with Bathsheba is a haunting [...]

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Top Verses For Sexual Purity Podcast – 051 – The Fruit of a Godly Life – Galatians 5:22-26

July 27, 2011

PURITY VERSE: But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the sinful nature with its passions and desires. Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the [...]

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Top Verses For Sexual Purity Podcast – 050 – The Fruit of an Ungodly Life – Galatians 5:19-21

July 24, 2011

PURITY VERSE: The acts of the sinful nature are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions and envy; drunkedness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God. [...]

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