Church

Support Groups: Our 5-Point SCARF Groundrules

by Jeff Fisher on August 17, 2011

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I wanted to repost this. As our Saturday men’s recovery group has gained a couple of new members lately, we have been revisiting some of our basic ground rules. This SCARF model has become a good model for us.  It works for bible study groups as well as recovery groups.

S–SAFE
We are a safe place to share.  We take risks in our sharing and build trust with one another.  We show love, mercy, listen and extend grace.

** Illegal actions should be shared, but only with a counselor or minister.  Group members might be required or forced to share with authorities if you share your illegal information.

C-CONFIDENTIAL
We are a confidential group.  We need safety outside the group too.  The things we share will not be shared outside the group.  This is critical to building trust in our group.

A-AVAILABLE, ATTENDANCE
We choose to actively attend this group.  This group is a community.  We have to come to maintain community.  We need each other and support each other.

We are available to one another.  Support extends outside the group.  We make ourselves available through email, phone calls and face-to-face connections.

R-RESPECTFUL
We will show respect in this group toward one another, our spouses, and ourselves.  We will not destroy with our words, but build up.

F-FIXING
We let God do the fixing.  We are not here to fix each other.  We may have experience in recovery, but we do not have the ability to fix.  Fixing takes place in the heart, and that’s God’s territory.

OTHER GROUND RULES FOR OUR GROUP

Cross talk – We allow crosstalk in our group, but in moderation.  Let the other person talk.  We chime in when need clarification, when a guy has skimmed over something important, when we are clearly believing lies, or when we have something helpful to say.

Be careful with the details – We are sensitive to the nature of our conversations.  Some of the details of your story and struggles might be triggery for some.  Don’t get too descriptive.  Don’t talk about the web addresses that tripped you up.  Don’t talk about how you got around a filter.

Fun place – We have fun together.  We build friendships.  We do things together outside of group.

WHAT ARE YOUR GROUND RULES?

Q:  What are the ground rules for your group?

Q:  Do they work for your group?

Q:  What should we add to our list?

jeff@porntopurity.com

@porntopurity on Twitter

LIVE IN THE RALEIGH AREA?
If you’re a sexual struggler and live in the Raleigh area, shoot me an email.  We have a Saturday men’s group that might work for you.  I also know of a couple of other good groups, spouses’ groups, and counselors in the area.

Tags:  group, ground rules, sexual addiction recovery, men, bible study, safe, confidential, available, attendance, respect, God, bible, fix, broken

Jeff of porntopurity.com shares the ground rules that his Saturday morning men’s group are working on.

9 Sexual Words You Can’t Say in Church

by Jeff Fisher on May 17, 2011

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georgecarlinGeorge Carlin has his famous routine “The Seven Words You Can’t Say on TV”.  (BTW, not endorsed by this blogger)

I got to thinking about nine words we should be able to say in church (in the right setting) that would be helpful to  people with sexual struggles.

 

1. SEX – God created sex.  Why don’t we talk about it?  Why do we pretend that the Bible doesn’t have guidelines for marriages.  Last time I checked, Song of Solomon was rated “R” and had talked about the pleasure that healthy love and sex is within a marriage.

2.  MASTURBATION – If my preacher would have mentioned this word from the pulpit, I would have been both shocked and relieved.  So many guys and gals struggle here.  Why don’t we talk about masturbation?  Adolescents especially, need to hear good guidelines and sound wisdom to help them with the masturbation issue.

3.  ADULTERY – This is pretty forthright in the Bible.  Why do we use euphemisms for it?  Sex outside of marriage.  Affairs.  Let’s call it what the Bible does.  Let’s say that adultery is wrong, but let’s understand that there are lots of adulterers in the pews.  Say some words to help them be truthful and get right with their spouses.church

4.  FORNICATION -  We like to say “pre-marital sex” or euphemisms like “hookin up”, “shackin up”, “Gettin Jiggy Wit’ It” or whatever.  Talk openly about fornication.  Don’t be finger-pointers and condemners.  Help people deal with the underlying issues that cause them to feel the need for sex.

5.  ADDICTION – This word does seem to be talked about more, but it’s always the other person.  Or if someone gives a testimony, he talks about how he was once addicted to drugs or alcohol.  Nobody seems to talk about being addicted to sex in our churches.  Nobody seems to be addicted and struggling right now.  Is anybody in our pews or pulpits struggling with sexual addiction?  Start creating a safe environment where these can be talked about and offer some resources.

6.  HOMOSEXUAL (thoughts, behavior) – Many of our churches are good at preaching against homosexuality, and even homosexuals.  God forbid that a preacher or church leader would say, “You know, there are probably many of you that struggle with homosexual thoughts or behaviors.  We want to give you a safe place to seek counsel and healing…”

ralphiesoap7.  SEXUAL (thoughts, behavior) – If we do talk about sex, we talk about those people out there who do that!  Or we gossip about the lady’s husband in church who “has sexual problems” (hush, hush). Many of us have sexual thoughts.  Many of us already have a sexual background.  Let’s hear some messages to teach about healthy sexuality and how to find healing where we have struggled.

8.  PORN / PORNOGRAPHY – Again, this is not something that we do, but something those heathen outside the church do.  If over half of the men in the church are looking at porn, why do we pretend?  If and increasing number of women are getting addicted to porn, why do we keep silent and ignorant about this subject?

9.  I NEED HELP! – Wouldn’t your heart be moved if someone was honest enough to say this?  What if your pastor cried out for help?  What if a deacon was struggling with hard life issues and needed help?  We need help more than we realize.  We need the help of others to get through the hard struggles that life has.  We need God’s help.  So let’s swallow our pride and admit that we need help in our church families.

 

Q:  What do you think about these 9 words?
Q:  Are they said in your church?
Q:  What words would you add to the list?
Q:  How can we create better church atmospheres for people struggling with sexual sin?

I’M OFF MY SOAPBOX …WHAT ARE YOUR THOUGHTS?


Leave a comment on the blog, or email us privately at porntopurity@gmail.com

TODAY’S EPISODE:  Jeff of Porn to Purity interviews Darrell Brazell of New Hope Fellowship.  Encouragement, hope, help and resources for the wife of a sexual struggler.  Part 2 of the two part interview.

Direct Link for the Podcast
PART 1

PART 2

  • What should your reaction be to your husband’s sexual sin?
  • What should you do if your husband’s not repentant?
  • What should you do if your husband has slips and further struggles?
  • Why your husband’s sin is more than just his behaviors?
  • What are the consequences of sweeping it under the rug?
  • What’s involved in the healing process?

WEBSITE: www.newhope4si.com

A FANTASTIC, FREE RESOURCE FROM FOR WIVES

“What Every Wife Needs To Know About Her Husband’s Struggle For Sexual Integrity” is a new teaching Darrell recorded as a resource for women. It is a compilation of some of the most common things he tells wives who have questions about whether or not their husbands have a problem in sexual matters. It is an excellent resource for anyone wanting to understand more about a the dangers of pornography and sexual bondage and a must for any woman who has questions, fears and doubts about her husband’s struggle for purity.

 

PORN TO PURITY PODCAST
Hope, Encouragement and Resources for those who struggle with sexual sin.

Click here to subscribe to
The Porn to Purity Podcasts on I-Tunes
Top Tips For Sexual Purity on I-Tunes

FEEDBACK:
Emailjeff@porntopurity.com
Twitter – @porntopurity

Show Music from MusicAlley.com
Background – Lee Barry “A Place No One Knows”

TODAY’S EPISODE:  Jeff of Porn to Purity interviews Darrell Brazell of New Hope Fellowship.  Encouragement, hope, help and resources for the wife of a sexual struggler.  Part 1 of the two part interview.

Direct Link for the Podcast
PART 1

PART 2

  • Darrell shares some of his story and how New Hope Fellowship emerged
  • Encouragement for the wife who feels all alone
  • How can the wife of the sexual struggler deal with her feelings of betrayal?
  • What are some of the lies wives believe about their husband’s sex addiction?
  • Full disclosure, what does it mean?

WEBSITE: www.newhope4si.com

A FANTASTIC, FREE RESOURCE FROM FOR WIVES

“What Every Wife Needs To Know About Her Husband’s Struggle For Sexual Integrity” is a new teaching Darrell recorded as a resource for women. It is a compilation of some of the most common things he tells wives who have questions about whether or not their husbands have a problem in sexual matters. It is an excellent resource for anyone wanting to understand more about a the dangers of pornography and sexual bondage and a must for any woman who has questions, fears and doubts about her husband’s struggle for purity.

 

PORN TO PURITY PODCAST
Hope, Encouragement and Resources for those who struggle with sexual sin.

Click here to subscribe to
The Porn to Purity Podcasts on I-Tunes
Top Tips For Sexual Purity on I-Tunes

FEEDBACK:
Emailjeff@porntopurity.com
Twitter – @porntopurity

Show Music from MusicAlley.com
Background – Lee Barry “A Place No One Knows”

TODAY’S EPISODE:  Jeff of Porn to Purity interviews Darrell Brazell of New Hope Fellowship.  Encouragement, hope, help and resources for the wife of a sexual struggler.  Part 1 of the two part interview.


PORN TO PURITY PODCAST
Hope, Encouragement and Resources for those who struggle with sexual sin.

Direct Link for the Podcast:  HERE

[audio: http://traffic.libsyn.com/the104podcast/Purity_Resource_-_XXXChurch.com_and_My_Interview_With_Craig_Gross_Interview.mp3]


TODAY’S EPISODE:  Jeff of Porn to Purity.com interviews Craig Gross of XXXChurch.com.  XXX Church is a fantastic ministry that offers:

Help for men, women, teens & ministers stuck in sexual addiction

  • Great blogs, podcasts, and video resources to educate and train leaders
  • Conferences for churches through their Porn and Pancakes (men) and Porn and Pastries (women) programs
  • Opportunities to reach and help for those in the porn industry who want to get out

Jeff and Craig talk about:

  • Craig’s story
  • How XXX Church started
  • What it’s like going to a porn convention in Jesus name?
  • This past Super Bowl Sunday where many churches had a Porn Sunday emphasis
  • Why getting free from porn addiction is not a quick fix
  • How a person can begin getting free

SUBSCRIBE:
Click here to subscribe to – The Porn to Purity Podcasts on I-Tunes

Click here to subscribe to - Top Tips For Sexual Purity on I-Tunes

FEEDBACK:
Emailjeff@porntopurity.com
Twitter – @porntopurity


Show Music from MusicAlley.com
Background – Danny Weis “Gunslinger”

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9 Sexual Words You Can’t Say in Church

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I got to thinking about Nine words we should be able to say in church (in the right setting) that would help people with their sexual struggles.

Read the full article →

Statistics on Pornography That Will Help Your Ministry

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Covenant Eyes continues to impress me with the way they stay on the cutting edge of the latest statistics and research.  Not only is their accountability software fantastic, they are constantly trying to resource the minister, individual, or couple with good information. THE LATEST STATS ON PORNOGRAPHY Here’s the latest Pornography Statistics Resource Packet from [...]

Read the full article →