I wanted to repost this. As our Saturday men’s recovery group has gained a couple of new members lately, we have been revisiting some of our basic ground rules. This SCARF model has become a good model for us. It works for bible study groups as well as recovery groups.
S–SAFE
We are a safe place to share. We take risks in our sharing and build trust with one another. We show love, mercy, listen and extend grace.
** Illegal actions should be shared, but only with a counselor or minister. Group members might be required or forced to share with authorities if you share your illegal information.
C-CONFIDENTIAL
We are a confidential group. We need safety outside the group too. The things we share will not be shared outside the group. This is critical to building trust in our group.
A-AVAILABLE, ATTENDANCE
We choose to actively attend this group. This group is a community. We have to come to maintain community. We need each other and support each other.
We are available to one another. Support extends outside the group. We make ourselves available through email, phone calls and face-to-face connections.
R-RESPECTFUL
We will show respect in this group toward one another, our spouses, and ourselves. We will not destroy with our words, but build up.
F-FIXING
We let God do the fixing. We are not here to fix each other. We may have experience in recovery, but we do not have the ability to fix. Fixing takes place in the heart, and that’s God’s territory.
OTHER GROUND RULES FOR OUR GROUP
Cross talk – We allow crosstalk in our group, but in moderation. Let the other person talk. We chime in when need clarification, when a guy has skimmed over something important, when we are clearly believing lies, or when we have something helpful to say.
Be careful with the details – We are sensitive to the nature of our conversations. Some of the details of your story and struggles might be triggery for some. Don’t get too descriptive. Don’t talk about the web addresses that tripped you up. Don’t talk about how you got around a filter.
Fun place – We have fun together. We build friendships. We do things together outside of group.
Q: What are the ground rules for your group?
Q: Do they work for your group?
Q: What should we add to our list?
@porntopurity on Twitter
LIVE IN THE RALEIGH AREA?
If you’re a sexual struggler and live in the Raleigh area, shoot me an email. We have a Saturday men’s group that might work for you. I also know of a couple of other good groups, spouses’ groups, and counselors in the area.
Tags: group, ground rules, sexual addiction recovery, men, bible study, safe, confidential, available, attendance, respect, God, bible, fix, broken
Jeff of porntopurity.com shares the ground rules that his Saturday morning men’s group are working on.


George Carlin has his famous routine “The Seven Words You Can’t Say on TV”. (BTW, not endorsed by this blogger)
1. SEX – God created sex. Why don’t we talk about it? Why do we pretend that the Bible doesn’t have guidelines for marriages. Last time I checked, Song of Solomon was rated “R” and had talked about the pleasure that healthy love and sex is within a marriage.
7. SEXUAL (thoughts, behavior) – If we do talk about sex, we talk about 

























































