hurts

Father’s Day is a holiday with a different flavor.  Different than Mother’s Day.  Nearly everyone loves their mother.  Phone calls are way up, the post office is slower because of all the cards and gifts to mom, and restaurants are packed.  Good luck getting a table on Mother’s Day.

Not so much on Father’s Day.

We have mixed feelings about our dads.  Some of us have good dads, some of us are indifferent toward our dads, and some of us hate our dads.

Where are you with your dad?

NO DAD IS PERFECT
It doesn’t matter how good a dad you have or how godly your dad is, he’s not perfect.  He is / was an imperfect individual and imperfect in the way he parented.

I used to think I had a great upbringing.  Christian home, good parents who loved me and I was a good kid.  Not so.  The more I got away from home and grew my own family, the more I was able to see flaws in my own parents.  Not only that, I had stored up anger toward my parents, and especially my dad.

DAD’S HAVE WOUNDS TOO
Just like you and I have brokenness, wounds, and unhealthy ways of dealing with life and family… so did our dads.  Have you ever stopped to think that your dad may have had issues?  Maybe your dad struggled with the same sexual sin, loneliness, low self-esteem or sense of rejection you deal with?

When I started to see my dad as a human being, like me with his own background, besetting sins, and wounds it helped me with my anger.

YOU’VE GOT TO DEAL WITH YOUR DADDY ANGER
We can’t just forget the things that have happened to us that our dads have brought on – some of the very undeserved.  Stored up anger poisons our soul and breeds unforgiveness.

Our anger will come out in other ways.  It’s too powerful and we can’t contain it.  Many times it comes out in the way we deal with our own wife and kids.

You have to find ways to get it out, discover what’s inside, and deal with it.  It’s often more than you saying to God “help me with my anger”.  You probably need to chat with a counselor, your pastor, a wise buddy or your support group.

Most guys (if not all) in recovery have anger issues that revolve around their dads.

A GOOD BOOK TO READ
Last year our Saturday men’s group went through John Eldridge’s book Fathered By God:  Learning What Your Dad Could Never Teach You.  A tremendous read to help explore your father wounds and help you grow up emotionally.

Here are some of posts on the book and other posts that may help you work on your daddy issues:

Chapter 1 Summary - The Masculine Journey
Chapter 2 Summary – True Son of a True Father
Chapter 3 Summary – Boyhood
Chapter 4 Summary – Cowboy
Chapter 5 Summary – Warrior
Chapter 6 Summary – Lover
Chapter 7 Summary – King
Chapter 8 Summary – Sage

Deal With Your Daddy Wounds – Post & Podcast

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A SPECIAL NOTE FROM JEFF TO THE DADS
I want to be at least one guy to tell you:  Good job, dad!  You’re doing good.  You’re working hard on your recovery.  You’re headed in the direction you need to be by working on your sexual sins and your sexual purity journey.  We can be better than our dads when it comes to the issue of the hearts.  But the real goal is to become more like Jesus.  To be transformed and holy so we can glorify Him more.

Have a great weekend!

Jeff Fisher
Raleigh, NC
jeff@porntopurity.com
@porntopurity on Twitter