Sin

Recovery NO-NOs: Diversion

by Jeff Fisher on November 18, 2011

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Let’s call attention to a tactic that many of us use to minimize our sin.  It’s called diversion.

Here’s what it looks like:

  • You’re checking into Group.  You’ve acted out and relapsed this week.  You talk about our difficult week, but then talk about how difficult your wife is.
    Attention = on wife

  • You’re having problems in chatrooms again.  You talk to a friend about it, but then you turn the subject to how you’ve slipped in reading the Bible and praying.
    Attention = on your spiritual disciplines instead of your slipping up

  • You looked at some bad TV, including renting a porn movie.  You tell your accountability partner you but then talk about how bad today’s TV programs have become.
    Attention = on the ills of TV
  • You have masturbated and your spouse wants to get intimate.  You tell you spouse that you’ve had a difficult day at work and are really tired.
    Attention = On your lie

We can do this diversion with any type of sin.  But the larger the secret, the harder we work at diverting.

Diversion is not an honest or godly behavior.  We’ve go to stop doing it, if we want to grow in our relationships, and be sexually pure.

Here’s some important things to consider:

1.  We have to choose to be truthful

2.  We have to choose to be accountable

3.  We have to be courageous and own up for our sin

4.  When we are divert attention we are being deceptive.  That’s lying.

Do a check of your own life and be mindful of the things you do to cover you sins.

–

porntopurity@gmail.com

@porntopurity on Twitter

Recovery NO-NOs: Transfering Your Guilt

by Jeff Fisher on November 17, 2011

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When we feel guilty about our behavior or our failures, we have to be careful not to push it off on someone else. This is called transference.

  • The dad who never won the state championship pushes his son to perform.
  • The preacher struggling with sexual sin preaches flaming messages on immorality, adultery, and sexual behaviors.
  • A husband shares with his wife how disgusted he is with someone else’s sexual exploits… all the while he holds on to his own secret behaviors.
  • You and your spouse have trouble with intimacy.  You keep telling her that if she would get her act together, or act a certain way, then things would be fine.  But you don’t consider that your lust and fantasy life are a part of the problem.

Each of these individuals has their own issues.  They feel guilty for not matching up in the past, or for their failures.  In their past there was a lack of approval, perfectionistic expectations, or sexual sin.

Pushing our guilt on others makes us feel better.  We do it for different reasons.

Atonement – If they can hold the banner high, teach and preach about it then they will be OK and absolved of their failure.

Legacy – A person really believes they are helping others and passing on the right character traits and behaviors to the next person.

Leadership – They feel like it is their duty to train others and show a good example.

But really, they haven’t dealt with their own guilt.   They may also still be engaged in their sinful behavior.

Transference is a way of ignoring our sin and minimizing it.

 

HELP WITH TRANSFERENCE

1. We have to be courageous and own up to our own sin

2.  We have to repent of our sin – change course

3.  Our past has wounded us, and we need to bring it out into the Light.  Talk to someone about it.

4.  We need to seek God’s healings from our wounds.

5.  We need to be real and authentic with others and with ourselves.  No hypocrites.

 

Look for ways that you are transferring your guilt on to someone else.  The healthy people in sexual  recovery are starting to figure this stuff out.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Why WE Can’t Stop Sexual Sin

by Jeff Fisher on September 27, 2011

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stop_it

I thought this would complement yesterday’s blog on Why We Can’t Stop? Be sure to check out the You Tube link – Bob Newhart’s classic “Stop It!” routine.

 

Don’t you wish we could just STOP doing our sexual sin?  If you’re like me, you’ve tried 1000 times to stop.  But we just keep coming back to that same behavior.  A string of attempts, and a bigger string of failures.  I try to control myself, but instead find my sin is controlling me.

This is how an addiction works.  This is also what bondage looks like.

I continue to realize that I cannot stop my sexual sin.  But it doesn’t mean that all is hopeless and that I’m trapped.

WE HAVE TOO MANY PROBLEMS
1.  Heart problem - It’s not the behavior, it’s our hearts.  Our hearts are selfish, conditioned, and driven by our lusts.  Our hearts want what is easy and makes us feel good.

2.  Sin Problem – Our core, apart from Christ, is sinful.  Our natural desire is to go the wrong way.  Our sin nature controls us.

3.  Chemical Problem – Addiction feeds off the chemical highs.  We have caused the chemicals in our brains to go crazy when we look at porn, fantasize, masturbate and have sex.  Our brains crave more and more.

4.  Learned Behavior Problem – We have conditioned ourselves to act out in unhealthy ways.  And we’ve probably been doing it for decades.  The paths of sexual behavior are “well worn” paths.  It makes charting new paths extremely difficult.

5.  Emotional Problem – We have emotional needs and hurts that we are trying to medicate with lust, masturbation, and porn.  They are an undercurrent that feeds our addiction.

A FOUR-PART SOLUTION
If we are to be freed from sexual sin, we must open give up our efforts to try and fix ourselves.  We must surrender to God’s help and the help of others.

question-mark1.  God - God is the only one who can get down into our hearts and work on the deep stuff is Christ.

2.  Support Group - A healthy support group is not just an addiction group.  It could be a combination of your family, your friends, your wife, or your pastor.  These are your cheerleaders, your encouragers.

3.  Wise People - Different from our support group, these are the people that can give us the insight we need about ourselves to work on the deeper stuff.  They can help identify blindspots and weaknesses.

4.  My Part - We do have a part, it’s just different.  It involves surrender to God, submission to others, and a commitment to the process.  These must all be done on a daily basis.


BobNewhartBOB NEWHART’S “STOP IT” ROUTINE
Here’s a great comedy bit that Bob Newhart did called “Stop It!”  Enjoy a good laugh today:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BYLMTvxOaeE&feature=PlayList&p=6B68C3EC0F5CF992&index=0

The Importance of Being Open About Your Sins

by Jeff Fisher on July 29, 2011

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secretI found a great verse when I was reading my Bible this morning:

“He who conceals his sins does not prosper, but whoever confesses and renounces them finds mercy.”  Proverbs 28:13 NIV

 

I have found this to be so true.   I have had a history of concealing my sins.  I tried, like Adam and Eve, to hide them from God.  I thought it would be a better to hide them from my friends and from my wife.  I have been deceived in the past to thinking that concealing sin can actually be the right thing to do.

How can concealing sin be right according to this verse?
How can concealing sin help my marriage?
How can concealing sin strengthen the trust my wife has in me?

TELL SOMEONE – It is hard to share your failures.  It could make your life a lot worse.  You might not find grace and mercy from the people around you.  You might have some carnage to face.  But concealing your sin is never a step in the right direction.  Don’t be deceived – tell someone about your sin.

RENOUNCE YOUR SIN – This is the most important step.  This is repentance. It’s making a U-Turn.  Turn away.  Push away from the behavior.  Speak down toward that lifestyle, don’ entertain it.

GOD’S MERCY – I love that God says we will find mercy.  I need mercy when I know that I have failed.  God’s mercy is promised to those who turn from sin.  You may not have the mercy of your spouse or friends, but you can have peace inside yourself.   You may be surprised how others react.  They may be the instruments of healing and encouragement you need.

When you hide your sin, you cannot be at peace with yourself.  You cannot walk in truth if you are hiding sin.

THOUGHTS ABOUT SHARING YOUR SIN
1.  Start by confessing it to God
2.  Talk to someone wise about it (counselor, friend, pastor) who can help you through it, and help you take the next steps
3.  If others are directly affected by your sin, it needs to be shared
4.  Separate yourself from the sinful arena

jeff@porntopurity.com

@porntopurity on Twitter

Top Verses For Sexual Purity Podcast – 031 – Walking in Freedom, Not Bondage – Galatians 5:1

by Jeff Fisher on April 27, 2011

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Click HERE to play podcast now

Click HERE to download MP3 file

PURITY VERSE:
1 It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.
Galatians 5:1

TODAY’S EPISODE:  Jesus has called us out to freedom.  Jeff of Porn to Purity shares some reflections on how to walk in freedom and find victory over sexual sin.


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Twitter – @porntopurity

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Show Theme – Rorimi “Downstream”
Background – Live Loop “The Never Ending Amen”

Top Verses For Sexual Purity Podcast – 028 – The Best Use of Our Freedom – Galatians 5:13

April 17, 2011

PURITY VERSE: 13 You, my brothers, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the sinful nature[a]; rather, serve one another in love. Galatians 5:13 TODAY’S EPISODE:  Jesus has called us out to freedom.  Jeff of Porn to Purity shares some reflections on how to walk in freedom and find [...]

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Top Verses For Sexual Purity Podcast – 020 – Where Evil Thoughts Come From – Matthew 15:18-19

March 9, 2011

[AUDIO:  http://traffic.libsyn.com/the104podcast/020_-_Where_Evil_Thoughts_Come_From_-_Matthew_15-18-19.mp3 ] Click HERE to download directly (right click and “Save As”) PURITY VERSE: 18 But the things that come out of a person’s mouth come from the heart, and these defile them. 19 For out of the heart come evil thoughts—murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false testimony, slander. Matthew 5:18-19 TODAY’S EPISODE:  Jeff [...]

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Top Verses For Sexual Purity Podcast – 018 – Who Rules the Roost? Sin or The Spirit? – Romans 6:12-13

March 2, 2011

[AUDIO:  http://traffic.libsyn.com/the104podcast/018_-_Who_Rules_The_Roost_-_Sin_or_the_Spirit_-_Romans_6-12-13.mp3 ] Click HERE to download directly (right click and “Save As”) PURITY VERSE: 5 Those who live according to the flesh have their minds set on what the flesh desires; but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires. 6 The mind governed by [...]

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Top Verses For Sexual Purity Podcast – 013 – Finding the Way of Escape From Temptation – I Corinthians 10:13

February 13, 2011

TOP VERSES FOR SEXUAL PURITY PODCAST Two times a week we focus on a verse or passage from the Bible that is specific to sexual purity. We read it, meditate on it, talk about it, and gather some recovery principles. [audio: http://traffic.libsyn.com/the104podcast/013_-_Finding_the_Way_of_Escape_From_Temptation_-_I_Corinthians_10-13.mp3 ] Click HERE to download directly (right click and “Save As”) PURITY VERSE: [...]

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Is Committing to God Enough to Stop Sinning?

December 28, 2010

Habitual sins definitely need to be brought into the light. You need to share them with someone you trust. You need the help of your brothers to get through some sins. You need professional help for some. You need God’s deep, day-to-day power for all of them.

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Thoughts on Masturbation

October 20, 2010

One of the biggest questions we hear from our readers trying to be sexually pure is:  ”Is it OK to masturbate?”  They want to know: Is it an acceptable behavior? Is it healthy? Is it OK as long as I’m not having sex or looking at porn? Is it OK as long as I’m thinking about my wife? Is it [...]

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